By Bayani Domingo, Staff Writer
It’s Mother’s Day this weekend and it’s time to reflect on all the sacrifices and love your mother has showered you with over your childhood. But, what about making this weekend less about the crowded brunch place you’ll wait an hour and half to get into and more about reflecting on what your mother means to you now.
I know some of you have very different relationships with your mothers than I do; some of you grew up without a mother, adopted perhaps, like my mother was. Some of you have mothers who have passed away. Some of you were abandoned or neglected, and for that I’m truly sorry, but I don’t have a column for that. Some of you even have two mothers, or perhaps two mothers who divorced and remarried and now you have 4 mothers…which means that you’re probably single, because who is going to want to date into a family where 4 mother-in-law’s are waiting for them? But this is about those of us with our mothers who are omnipresent in our lives today. No matter how close or far away we live.
I’ve given a lot of thought about how different my relationship is with my mother now that I’m an adult. The relationship has changed as the dynamic has changed. Ultimately there is a power shift when you no longer require your mother for basic survival. As a baby and then a child you trust your mother, you rely on her, you have no choice. You take their advice and wisdom as gospel, but as you grow up you start questioning that wisdom and you decide for yourself what you’ll take to heart and what you’ll disregard.
Ultimately, your mother transforms from life sustainer and protector to an advisor and then in many cases as they age, you become THEIR protector. Different cultures have different approaches to caring for their parents, but in many Asian cultures it’s very common for a parent or both parents to live with their eldest born, or whoever can provide the best for them. Multigenerational households are quite common. A mother doesn’t retire; she merely becomes a nanny, cook, or life coach…an uninvited one at that. As an adult child you start to gain some equal footing with your parents. They aren’t the indestructible and infallible idols that they were when they first taught you to ride a bike or how to read. They’re somehow more human, more relatable, more…real.
As a boy, your mother is the first female relationship you’ll have. How that colors the way you treat the other women in your life, especially in romantic relationships has some bearing, likely the most influential. While the saying goes that a boy is always looking to marry a woman just like his mother, in my case, that doesn’t hold water. I’ve been told I’m so much like my own mother that it’s probably more likely I’m looking for someone like my dad. Then again, they’re divorced…but then again-again, I’ve never been married. That feels like a future column in there somewhere. As a woman your mother is your first role model, your first friend, the model of how you’re supposed to act towards a spouse, or partner, or sister wife, etc. Not discounting that nurture could be overcome by your own nature, or your own experiences. It’s not to say she’s a scapegoat for any shortcomings or mistakes you’ve made along the way, but she was more or less the architect.
But what does that all mean to you now? How can you reconcile the woman who fed you, clothed you, and kissed your boo boos with the woman today who is telling you how to parent, the one who is desperately trying to figure out how Snapchat works, the one who you may be driving to her doctor’s appoint, the one who you are now spoon feeding, or nostalgically telling stories to of when you were just a child? And I know that when my own mother tells me to “call her more” it’s not because she’s bugging me, it’s because she cares, she wants to know that I’m ok, that I’m happy, she wants validation that she did a good job as a mother. She wants to be at least a part of my life, even the smallest part, because for a good long while she was my ENTIRE life. Being the adult child of a mother isn’t easy, but being the mother of an adult isn’t that much easier. There’s some introspection to be had there. So this weekend celebrate your mother, all she’s done for you, all she’s been to you, but take a few moments and celebrate what she is to you now, and with any luck, what she’ll be to you until the next Mother’s Day.
Happy Mother’s Day, mom.
James Comey was fired by Trump via letter, but found out on television. I haven’t seen a dumping that harsh since the time I gave an old girlfriend a subscription to eHarmony for her birthday.
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 premiered this week. Vol 3 is set to take place on the home planet of Peter Quill, Earth, in a dystopian future where nuclear war has ravaged the globe…in 2018.
Obama warning Trump about hiring Michael Flynn and Trump STILL blaming Obama for having cleared and employed him at one time before firing him is amazing. It’s like Anger Texting your buddy for dating his ex-girlfriend he dumped after cheating on him on the way to pick up your herpes cream.
Secretary of Education Betty DeVos was booed during a commencement speech at traditionally Black college Bethune-Cookman. Students also turned their backs on her as she spoke. DeVos responded that if they don’t turn around and make a complete 90 degree turn she would stop speaking.
Stephen Colbert received some blow back for some “inappropriate” language he used on his show while lambasting Trump that some felt was homophobic. Mike Pence could not be reached for comment after his programming had shut down due to a logical paradox in his programming.
Matt Harvey recently was suspension has been blamed on a bender after a bad breakup with supermodel Adriana Lima. Harvey initially blamed his tardiness to the Marlins game on a migraine…only exacerbated by the loud music emanating by the world’s smallest violin.
Just a thought…but is it likely Trump is the only one who can competently play the world’s smallest violin with those tiny Lilliputian hands? Just wondering.
Trump is issuing an Executive Order to investigate Voter Fraud and Voter suppression after he made unsubstantiated allegations about it earlier this year in the hopes to prove his wild theory to be true. He will follow that with an order next week to investigate whether the one who had in fact smelt it, had unequivocally dealt it.
Justin Bieber held his “Purpose” tour in Mumbai this week. Opening his set with his hit single “Sari”.