A LITTLE FROM COLUMN B – 06.03.2017


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06.03.2017

JINDER EQUALITY

If there were such thing as “Conservative” and “Liberal” Parties in wrestling fandom, I believe Jinder Mahal’s WWE Title reign has drawn the line. One could argue that issue of “Flippity Flop Indy Gymnasts” is the place where people have drawn the line on the proverbial canvas, but let’s go with this. There are a lot of people who have pointed to Jinder’s sudden push as merely a “cash grab”, trying to “Prime the Pump” (TM Donald Trump) of the Indian market. While others have been a little less subtle in their reverse-racism (TM Imagination) claims. Mahal is only a champion because he IS Indian and has no business near the main event scene, taking championships from good hardworking American citizens that deserve it. Guess what? They’re right. But it doesn’t mean that you can’t turn chicken shit into chicken tikka marsala.

Yes, this is absolutely the old “Foreign Heel who spits on the American flag” gimmick. You know what the twist is here? Nothing. I mean, literally nothing looks to be booked any differently. There’s not even a question on how this program can and WILL work, there’s already been generations of blueprints. From the Baron Von Raschke, to Nikolai Volkoff, to Iron Sheik, to Brett Hart, and La Resistance, and Rusev there has always been a formula. The one thing that the “E” COULD have used to have furthered this program, they won’t. They have an American president that is almost wholly panned by every free nation in the world. Obviously, autocrats love him. I’m sure if Saudi Arabians could drink alcohol without being beheaded they’d be toasting with Trump wine. I’m fairly sure Trump Steaks aren’t doing that well in India, however. The problem is that Mahal can’t take advantage of this tailor made political drama because there is no way Vince is going to make his Wife’s new boss look bad. I mean, Mahal could garner himself levels of Heat in the Midwest that won’t be seen again until Climate Deniers literally burst into flame in 10 years at the opening of the new Chlorofluorocarbon powered “clean coal” factory.

Something else I’ve seen talked about is how Indians see Jinder Mahal as a “hero” while Americans see him as a “villain”, mainly due to his anit-American rhetoric and trying to make the audience acknowledge their own prejudices. So that must mean that people in India really do hate America. That’s just simply not true. Indians think that ANY Indians that succeed are automatically heroes. I gotta tell you, I felt the same way about Dave Bautista when I first found out that Mestizo Monster was half Filipino. It didn’t matter that he was a Heel for the better part of 3 years, he was a HERO in my book. The guy could do no wrong, in fact, when it came out that he had divorced his wife while she was battling cancer, my first thought was, “Well, I mean…is it terminal? Is she gonna die immediately…cuz…you know, people just grow apart, maybe it’s just coincidental…walk it off”. When you come from an under representated minority, you back whatever “fam” you got. I think Jinder could actually actually invite a Make-A-Wish child into the ring and powerbomb him through a table made out of dead puppy corpses and he’d probably get a pass in Mumbai.

What is bound to happen is that this is going to be a self perpetuating gimmick. There are going to be semi or full on racist signs in the crowds that may not be confiscated and he will point them out to prove just how prejudiced the fans are. Signs like, “Tikka Hike!”, “I Outsourced Yo Mama”, “Throw in the Towel Head”, or maybe something really offensive. This could be a near never ending gimmick that could span months. Me, personally? I’m fairly Jinder Neutral, I would’ve preferred a longer runway, perhaps a full month or 2 of convincing or conniving wins. But I’m perfectly fine with Mahal becoming the “Snake Charmer” and vanquishing “The Viper”. In fact it feels kind of poetic that Jinder’s main event push and title win came #OuttaNoWhere. I don’t think there is a debate that this felt like rushed booking, and it seems like if the rumors are true and this was actually Rusev’s spot that we would’ve gotten kind of gimmick anyways, but then I think not tying in Rusev’s past use of Putin in today’s political climate would’ve been an even bigger disappointment. Plus, we get those spunky little Singh Boys. All we are missing now is either a huge Indian enforcer, please not Khali, or a “turncoat All American” in the Sargent Slaughter or Rob Conway vein. Maybe…Taj Dillinger? Mojo Rahi? BanglaDash Wilder?

So let’s just get over how we’ve gotten here. Jinder Mahal has paid his dues, suffered through some pretty bad gimmicks, we forget that 6 years ago Jindee debuted as an arrogant son of Indian royalty, and that’s before being the air cowbell of 3MB. The man has legit “I want you dead Heat”, he has a couple of stooges to help him cheat, an entire country behind him and more than enough credible Faces to feud with. What I’m curious about is how far Vince is willing to take this, in the past he was willing to push the envelope to garner some mainstream publicity. Wrestling fans refuse to see themselves as the bad guys, no matter how logical the “well no meaning heel” is in their accusations and rationale. Using the WWE Champion to push an agenda which attacks the Alt-Right, conservatives, Bible thumpers, and Anti-Globalists could be a huge coup for the “E”. My guess is we have a few of those in the audience on a weekly basis. Too bad that will never happen, not with Linda a few doors down from a standing…errr…probably napping President. Now that there’s a McMahon on the White House, it looks like there are some… Sacred Cows in wrestling after all.

Column C

  • WWE HoFer Donald Trump recently had the most awkward handshake exchange with French President Macron ever. I felt like the intense hand grappling was just a little too….Over the Top. I was just waiting for Trump to turn his hair around backwards….”It’s like a switch…”and believe me, I would LOVE a switch.

  • If Roman Reigns is the Big Dog, then Sheamus needs to be called Clifford.

  • Sasha Banks has fallen so far down the card her finisher needs to renamed “The Overdraft”.

  • Adam Cole is the hottest free agent in wrestling after being fired from The Bullet Club faster than a bullet shot…out of a…yeah, this fruit was a little too long hanging.Speaking of fruit hanging low, I want Kenny Omega to tell us just how big IS Batista’s …umm…”Destroyer”? You just know that guy has been calling his junk Drax for a solid 2 years now.

  • Just wondering…is Roman Reigns the only wrestler Bullet Club could never defeat? Why else would he be wearing that vest all the time? What weapons did you think WERE legal at Extreme Rules?

  • WCPW looks to be on shaky ground after YouTube seemed to change their policy and shot changing wrestling channels with their new advertising revenue sharing. But don’t worry, WCPW looks to be moving to YouPorn to host their new content. Unfortunately the “C” in WCPW will no longer stand for “Culture”…and all finishers will be “external”

  • Looks like the E may not be touring India after all. While some are worried there may be resentment towards the E after the cancellation, not to worry, India doesn’t have beef.

  • There has been speculation that Dalton Castle may not re-sign with RoH this summer. How awkward will it be when Castle shows up on Smackdown wearing the same outfit as Charlotte.

  • Some question the wisdom of Low Ki wrestling in a suit on IMPACT! It’ll all make sense when Suicide de-masks after beating him for that big shiny X-Division title and reveals himself as…George Zimmer!! Oh…he’s gonna love the way he looks in it…I guarantee. I’ve just got to say this, without Dana Brook maintaining her bodybuilding she looks like R2D2’s stripper sister.

  • New Montana Governor body slammed a reporter during the campaign. What’s more appalling than how he would treat a member of the media just doing his job was…he didn’t immediate go for the pin. Sure, break the guy’s glasses, but THEN hook the leg!!New Japan’s Best of the Super Juniors tournament is wrapping up. Surprised to see Jushin Thunder Liger was a participant. I guess next year he’ll be the first entrant in the inaugural Best of the Super Seniors Tournament.

  • DIY imploded this week in NXT. Rather than calling this a breakup, let’s refer to DIY as finally getting carpal tunnel syndrome.

  • It turns out that the “small group of people” that knew what Trump’s tweet was about are…The New Day!! Next #1 contender for the WWE Title? Covfefe Kingston!! BOOM BOOM!!