By Ryan K. Boman, Editor in Chief
Love is a lot like a professional wrestling match… and not in the way you’re thinking.
So PLEASE, get your minds out of the gutter.
Rasslin’ and romance are alike in a more figurative manner. The wild and crazy action that you see on TV is pretty similar to what happens in the ring of romance. Somebody wins, somebody loses, and there is a good chance that somebody will get hit with some furniture.
Think about it: in nearly every scenario, it’s a battle for supremacy between good and evil. In professional wrestling, the match always starts out with a lock-up. That’s akin to when you first meet. No one is really sure how they are going to maneuver at the start of the dating process, as they both jockey for leverage.
Suddenly, someone takes control. The aggressor is usually the more menacing character of the two. In a dating analogy, this is the type of person who would pick where you are going for dinner- and then complain about the food. This knucklehead is clearly the heel, and just gets under your skin.
Trying to be the hero, the other combatant finally rallies back! Against all odds, the righteous babyface subdues the savage beast, even if it means taking a severe beating to get there. They may even call on the advice of their friends, tagging them in for support whenever ice cream no longer kills the pain.
Further comparisons between these two epic battles of will can hit you like a turnbuckle to the head.
For example, you may fall for someone who wants to hide who they truly are. This is what’s known as ‘lucha libre love’, as your partner attempts to mask all their shortcomings. It can often be a real death match to get them to reveal themselves to you.
Sometimes you are under a lot pressure to get married. This is what wrestling commentators refer to as a ‘submission hold’. Make sure not to tap out too quickly.
Eventually, love may lead you to start a family. In the squared circle, that’s sort of like a battle royal. Your house is the ring, and you spend most of your time trying to throw everyone else out of it— The last one standing wins the Peace-and-Quiet championship.
When you get divorced, the judge tends to be like the referee. He gives instructions and rules at the beginning, but suddenly forgets them right in the middle of the action. Every hair pull and eye gouge is permissible without consequence. Quite often, the heel will win this fight with some sort of low blow.
You always have to be wary of outside interference. Even though there are no real restrictions in wrestling, there is one good rule of thumb: It’s okay to have people around ringside, but they should in no way be involved in the action. And, please, no foreign objects. EVER.
But, the greatest matches of all time happen only when the moment is right. Whether in front of a crowd of thousands or a small bar of a few dozen, a couple can come together in their own version of a main event.
Running high on adrenaline, it comes down to the moment of truth. Amid all those contenders from the past, love has always been a near fall. How do you turn this potential foe into a tag team partner for life? How do you make this the matchup where you finally win it all?
And right then, the bell rings. Just like 1…2…3.