By Jason Fink, Columnist
I want to address the elephant down on 700 Clark Avenue at Busch Stadium… So, I’m going to beg the question. St. Louis, why do you hate Ric Flair? What is it about the 16-time world champion that makes you start losing your collective minds on Twitter and at Cardinals games? How can you have such disdain towards The Nature Boy? This is a man who for the past 46 years has been a stylin’, profilin’, limousine riding, jet flying, kiss-stealing, wheelin’ n’ dealin’ son of a gun. The dirtiest player in the game is the original founder of Space Mountain, which is the oldest ride in the park, but still has the longest lines.
This whole “woo” thing has had the Gateway City all fired up since its birth last month at Blues hockey games. Of all the things to get upset about, this is the hill my city chooses to die on? Woo? Really? We are talking about people who urinate themselves to jump out of their seats to perform in this ridiculous ritual called “The Wave” in the eighth inning of a tie baseball game. These are the same people who can’t bash Boston fans enough over their sports team mating calls, yet will belt out the lyrics to Neil Diamond’s hit “Sweet Caroline” at Cardinals games and top it off with that god awful “So good! So good! So good” improvised nonsense at the end of the “Good times never seemed so good” line.
I’m all for people having an opinion on the “woo” debate, but I find it comical that fans and local broadcasters are getting hot and bothered about it. You want to know what annoys the living hell out of me? The guy at Cardinals games who does that obnoxious “Charge!” whistle every two damn seconds you hear over the Fox Sports Midwest broadcasts. The locals will get their panties in a bunch about “woo” and want to tar and feather anyone who dare utter it, but nary a word is spoken about the “Charge!” whistle guy? I don’t think I want to live in a country where “woo” cannot be a part of the lexicon at a baseball game or hockey game for that matter.
Come to Mr. Fink’s Neighborhood of Woo Believe if you will do me the honor. For starters, how about a “Cardinals Ric Flair Robe Night?” The robe would be the classic red one we wrestling fans all know and love but instead of “Nature Boy” on the back, it would be adorned with the trademark Cardinals bird on the bat logo.
Tell me it wouldn’t be entertaining to see manager Mike Matheny take off his Cardinals jacket and do a flying knee drop on it after the umpire makes a bad call. Then to top it off, he could poke the umpire in the eye.
I’ve always thought the seventh-inning stretch is an antiquated tradition, so therefore, I propose the seventh-inning strut. Whereas you just stand there like a slug during the seventh-inning stretch, you would do the Ric Flair stylin’ and proflin’ walk during the seventh-inning strut. Instead of playing the Budweiser jingle “Here Comes the King” during the seventh-inning strut, it would be replaced with “Also Sprach Zarathustra.” Again, this is phenomenal marketing.
I want the “woo” to bring us together as a community and I am not going to stop working until that goal is met. Come on St. Louis; get your heads out of your backsides. Need I remind you of your “Macarena” shenanigans in 1996? That entire summer, I had to endure you doing that stupid dance and all the crazy stuff with the hands that I still don’t understand to this day. Did I complain then? No. And I should have. I endured it like an adult and made the best of a bad situation. You owe “The Nature Boy.” And you owe me. Just remember, to be the fan, you have to treat the fan. And “wooing” is a treat. It’s time to take a ride on Space Mountain, St. Louis. Hop on board.
Jason Fink is the co-host of “The Rapp Up” on 590 the FAN, KFNS Radio in St. Louis. He will be joining TheGorillaPosition.com every Friday, to share his insight and humor here with THE GLORIFIED JOBBER.
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